Left For the Ex

Dear Mistress Maeve,

I had been dating someone and it was going great; then, BAM! — he went back to his ex. From what he says, she cheated on him, said terrible things to him and is an all-around bad person.

Why do some people go back to toxic situations, even when they have had a taste of a healthy, warm, loving relationship? Is he just addicted to the drama, or is it something deeper? Why would he be willing to go back to a situation where he was treated like shit?

I consider myself a trustworthy, loving and all-around good person — and yet I’m still single. Meanwhile, all the awful, self-centered people seem to have all the luck in love and never really get what they deserve. What gives?

Signed,
Disgusted and Confused

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Dear D & C,

Getting dumped for an ex can be especially painful because it may feel like you were just a Band-Aid, a short-term fix for his heartache while he waited to go back to her. When that Band-Aid gets ripped off, the pain is excruciating.

The truth is, if he wasn't over his ex, no amount of healthy love and warmth from you could have lured him into the light. In an ideal world, he would have had the emotional wherewithal to acknowledge his lingering feelings for his ex and not go full throttle into a relationship with you. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like he was mature enough to take your feelings and well-being into account.

Plain and simple: This guy isn't good enough for you, so it's time to stop giving him your energy. If he wants to keep banging his head against the wall with his ex, so be it. It's time for you to drop the "woe-is-me-I'm-still-single" act and refocus some positive energy on yourself — it's the only way love is going to come knockin’ on your door.

Knock, knock,
MM