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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Pudge Nudge

Dear Mistress Maeve,

My partner has gone a bit pudgy since we got into our committed relationship. I know I shouldn't let this get in the way, but it sort of does for me. Each year my partner gets a little more pudgy, and some feature or curve that I once enjoyed disappears.

I know from reading your column that you're totally pro-plus size, and I don't want to feel bad about this situation. I feel sort of stuck. I like my partner a great deal, but sex with my partner isn't something I look forward to. No idea what to do. I brought it up a few years ago, and, as you might imagine, it didn't go over well. I don't know what to do. I guess just deal with it and learn to accept it?

What would you say to a friend in this situation?

Pudge Nudge


Dear P.N.,

I'm not so much "pro-plus size" as I am "pro-realism." We all come in different shapes, sizes and looks — and we change over time. People go bald, lose muscle definition, get wrinkles and gain weight. If you want to have a great sex life into your golden years, you better learn not only to accept these inevitable changes in your partner, but to eroticize them. That is, unless you'd prefer to exchange the benefits of a relationship for a life of chasing partners 20 years your junior — but that seems like a lonely and pathetic way to go.

To a friend in this situation, I would say: You will experience a much hotter, more satisfying love life when you understand that the best sex is born from both physical and intellectual attraction. I would urge my friend to examine what's really going on. If a relationship is strongly rooted in love, respect and attraction, a few missing curves shouldn't be a deal breaker. Perhaps, on reflection, my friend would see that there's more wrong in the relationship than a partner who has "gone a bit pudgy." A true love would be able to overcome much more than that.

Pushin’ the cushion,

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