Golden Moment

And the award for the best Golden Globe presenter of the night goes to Robert Downey Jr. for his hilariously raunchy introduction to the Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical category.
 
Downey Jr. began by saying that he considers himself "a veteran of sorts," then followed up with: "I don't know if an actress can do her best work until I've slept with her..." He then goes on to weave each of the nominees, including an underaged Emma Stone, into a risque tale that neither Stone nor the other nominees -- Julianne Moore, Angelina Jolie, Annette Benning -- seemed to mind.

The end was the best part. Downey Jr. says, "Now I'm not saying that my theory doesn't hold water, but somehow all of these women rendered exquisite performances without a shred of help from me, so I guess I'm just saying, if I could, I'd give it to all five of you -- at once, right here in front of my wife, the audience and millions of viewers." Of course, he was referring to the award. . .

Brilliant.

 

Too Good To Be True

Yet another cautionary tale for the new year: If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

WCAX is reporting that 32-year-old Jesse Miles of Rutland City claims to have been beaten up and robbed by three women he met online and planned to have sex with.

The kicker is that Miles was drunk, on prescription drugs and in violation of parole conditions when he knocked on a  Shaftsbury resident's door for help on New Year's Day, so he was the one who landed in custody.

The moral of the story? Unless you're Hugh Hefner or Ellen Degeneres, you're probably not lucky enough to have three women wanting to sleep with you at the same time -- so, smarten up.

Sex, Divorce and Videotape

Here's a new year's resolution suggestion for you: don't make a risque sex tape with your husband, then let him have control over the video -- especially if your husband's a dirt bag.

The New York Post is reporting that 24-year-old Lily Shang of Manhattan has filed papers in Manhattan Supreme Court saying that her estranged husband, 26-year-old David Glenn Rucker, has threatened to release "certain video of intimate moments of a sexual and private nature" on the Internet unless she agrees to a "low financial settlement in [the] divorce proceedings."

Sounds like Shang's attorney is trying to block the release of the naughty footage by claiming that Shang is a co-owner of the video and therefore needs to give written authorization before the tape is released.

Seriously, folks, when are we going to learn that video of our sexual escapades -- while hot and exciting -- is never a great idea?

Click here to read more from the New York Post.

xoxo,
MM

Have Vagina, Will Travel

What is it about doing an interview with Playboy that will make even the most famous of Hollywood actresses open up and say the word "cock?"

In the July 2010 edition of Playboy, Cameron Diaz dishes about Justin Timberlake, denies a relationship with A-Rod and explains that sometimes a girl needs to get on a plane for a proper rogering:

"Oh gosh, I can't even count how many times I've gotten on a plane for love. It's not unusual in this business; my lifestyle demands it. I'm always traveling for [whispers] cock. You've got to go where it is."

Wow.

Regarding the type of lover she is, Diaz says:

"I'm primal on an animalistic level, kind of like, 'Bonk me over the head, throw me over your shoulder. You man, me woman.' Not everybody has the right kind of primal thing for me...I love physical contact. I have to be touching my lover, like, always. It's not optional."

Hmm. Maybe Cammy and I have more in common than I think...

You can read the rest of the article at Playboy.com (probably not safe for work viewing, even if you're just looking at it for the articles).

Happy Friday,
MM

Livin' La Vida Open

Surprise! Ricky Martin is GAY!

What? You're not surprised?

Martin came out of the closet yesterday with a statement on his website, citing his two children as the main motivation to finally confirm the rumors that had been swirling about his sexuality for years: "To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids were born with," Martin said.  "Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment."

I'm just hoping he changes his lyrics to, "He bangs, he bangs..."

xoxo,
MM

Money Shot

Think Progress is reporting that Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele dropped a fat wad of cash during his February trip to California — including $1,946.25 at Voyeur West Hollywood (NSFW). If you're unfamiliar with Voyeur, it's "A destination for provocative revelry that combines eroticism and nightlife exclusivity. An alluring ambiance designed with elegance and comfort while maintaining underground vitality."

A more colorful description from a patron can be found on Yelp.com: "There’s a half-naked girl hanging from a net across the ceiling and at one point I walked to the bathroom and pretty much just stopped dead in my tracks to watch two girls simulating oral sex in a glass case.”

Nice use of funds, RNC. I hope they got some footage of this wild night for Sarah Palin's new reality show on TLC.

xoxo,
MM

Cheetah Woods

I was asked twice yesterday why I haven't commented on the Tiger Woods scandal. Frankly, the topic bores me — and pisses me off. Men who have money and power cheat on their wives. Okay, not all of them — but for those who do, why do we give them so much attention? People are up in arms because Tiger Woods was supposed to be this shining example for monogamy and fatherhood. Please. The media painted him with a hero's stroke, and now they'll burn him at the putter just as easily. I'm a pretty open-minded person, with a lot of patience for people who have commitment and/or relationship issues — but I have absolutely no tolerance for cheating.

Alas, I realize some of you readers might be curious about Tiger's indiscretions. To quench your desire for details, here's Gawker's "The Tiger Woods Saga: A Definitive Timeline."