Non-scents

I recently became greatly disturbed to learn that two of my male friends from college have begun wearing female body spray in an earnest attempt to attract women. No, I'm not joking. And these are actually really smart dudes -- not to mention beastly hairy and fairly masculine all around.

They have deduced that because women purchase these pungent perfumes, soaps and sprays, they (women) must be attracted to the scents  -- and therefore will be attracted to any man who wears "cucumber melon" or "apple orchard."

Here's a news flash: Straight women like sweat. No, not the oxidized sweat smell that emanates from your gym bag -- but the fresh, clean sweat that bursts from your pores, full of pheromones. That's why they make cologne -- most male scents are made with musk, reminiscent of body odors.

To my friends, I say: Drop with the "strawberry fields" and go au naturel.

To my readers, I ask: What scents drive you wild?

Sexy Signs of Summer

Ah, summer — undoubtedly the sexiest time of year. Aside from the obvious fact that people are wearing less clothing, I have some other sexy signs of summer to share with you:

1. The smell of suntan lotion

Protecting your skin from the sun's harmful rays is smart, but that coconut-like smell is also sexy! It's all over the place when you go to the beach, but I love it when someone walks by you in a store or shows up to a meeting with the faint smell of "I've been basking my hot body in the sun" all over them. Meow.

2. Motorcycles

Does this one really need any explaining? Men and women who put an engine between their thighs are HOT.

3. Pedicured toes

I've never been much of a foot fetishist, but I do appreciate a cute sandal or peep-toe shoe with a brightly-painted pedicure. And, a note for the guys: Man sandals (or, "mandals") can work for you — but, please, take care of your toe nails. Nothing will get you kicked out of my bed faster than a snaggle-toe.

4. Armpits

A hint of body odor can be sexy (notice I say, "a hint" — I'm not interested in taking a whiff after you've returned from 4 days with Phish at Red Rocks this summer). In the summertime, bodies have this healthy glisten of sweat, and it reminds me of the post-sex glow.

5. Camping

Leaving behind the computer, cell phone and stress of everyday life allows us to get back to raw basics and human instincts. Doing it under the stars, like the animals we are, is so sexy. Just watch out for the poison ivy...

What about you? What are your sexy signs of summer?

MM

Good in bed?

"You're so good in bed."

Has anyone ever said that to you? Or have you ever told your friends about your latest partner who is "so good in bed"? It's a phrase that's always bothered me, not because I don't like giving and receiving compliments, but because it makes no sense. One person, alone, cannot be good in bed — it's all about the chemistry between partners. If you like long, sensual, romantic interludes and I like short, fast, dirty fucking — we're not going to be "good" in bed together. But, you know what they say — one lover's trash is another lover's treasure. Or, something like that.

Blogger Greta Christina delves into the "good in bed" phrase and all its inherent problems in a recent blog for Blowfish. She reiterates many of my own thoughts, but she also points out that saying someone is "good (or bad) in bed" creates a power dynamic where we should be considering each other equal parters. She says:

"It implies that being good in bed is a quality that one person has, instead of a quality that two (or more) people have together. It implies that sex is about the power one person has over another, instead of the power two (or more) people can create for themselves and each other."

If you have time, catch Greta Christina's full blog here (warning: Blowfish is a sex toy site — might not be appropriate for the workplace).

One Night Only?

 I came to a conclusion this week: I'm not a fan of one-night stands.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in full support of safely buying tickets to a "one night only" show; however, my vetting process is such that I usually won't sleep with someone unless I'm confident that he/she can do the job. If I'm spending the time to identify a great lay, why do it only once? The same rules apply — safe sex, discretion, no emotional entrapment — but I get the benefits of having a longer-term partner:

1. Sex with a partner gets better over time.

It takes a lot more than a few hours of buzzed fumbling to get to know a new partner. The more you get it on, the more you learn about what works for each other, thus making sex a more pleasurable experience for both parties. I am capable of having an orgasm the first time I'm with a new partner, but the orgasms are always better the second, third, fourth time. Plus, you get the benefit of flirtatious text messages and sexual tension until your next interlude — the build up is important.

2. Validation unleashes my inner sex kitten.

I freely admit to being a competitive person who thrives on praise and validation of my efforts. If you're coming back for a second helping, I'm going to feel even more confident than usual, leading to better sex.

3. Better variety.

I'm not a fan of having too many rules, but I won't do certain enjoyable sex acts the first time I sleep with someone — like receiving oral or anal. These acts, in particular, require me to give more intimately of myself, and I'm not going there the first time. Scoff, if you must — we all have our hang ups.

All that said, as I write this, I'm recalling one of the best sexual experience of my life. It was, in fact, a one-night stand (on New Year's Eve, no less). I only recently had a sexual encounter that rivaled the passion and satisfaction of that experience — and thank Goddess for that! For a while I was afraid the best sex of my life was a one-off, never to be replicated. I guess there's no real science to it, but a girl can try... (over and over again).

xoxo,
MM

Friendly Fact-finding

While researching my answer to this week's question about male multiple orgasms, I thought to ask one of my male confidantes for his input. This particular friend is well rounded and experienced when it comes to sex — not to mention uber confident — and I thought if anyone would know about male multiples, it would be him. So, I emailed him.

To my disappointment, he had never experienced multiples. However, to my delight, he responded to my question with a lengthy reply explaining — in detail — how he continues to believe his member will rise again like the mighty phoenix after ejaculation, only to find that his physiological response doesn't match his mental fortitude.

With his permission, I'm posting his response for you.

It's no secret — guys love sex. We love having sex, thinking about sex, looking at pictures of sex, watching videos of sex, talking about sex, bragging about the sex we're having, complaining about the sex we're not having... you name it and if it has to do with sex, we love it. There is, however, one thing that most guys I know, myself included, will concede is better than sex.

Blowjobs.