Noshin' on "The Onion"

It's time once again for a fun round-up of food-related stories from The Onion.

1) Historians Discover Children's Menu on the Back of U.S. Constitution
2) All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale
3) What Kind of Powdered Chocolate Drink Mix Have We Unleashed Upon the World?
4) Kraft Introduces New Kraft Doubles For Couples
5) Very Specific Food Pyramid Recommends Two to Three Shrimp Scampis Per Year
6) Denny's Comment-Card Archive Offers Glimpse Into Decades of Poor, Fair and Excellent Service

Try not to laugh too hard...your boss might notice!