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Monday, July 10, 2006

10 Things To Do In Burlington When You're Deaf.

So, here I am with a busted ear again. Since listening to music is excruciating (not to mention out-of-tune), I've found some substitute activities.

#1. Read. A lot. Currently, I'm immersed in the world of contemporary French novelist Michel Houellebecq. I normally don't do fiction, but this guy's a real pill. I've also been re-reading  H.P. Lovecraft. Interestingly, Houellebecq penned a book of essays about his work called H.P. Lovecraft: Against the World, Against Life. (Keep in mind that Houellebecq doesn't write horror — he's just nuts.) I own it, but have yet to make it past the introduction by Stephen King.

#2. Watch movies and the like. Well, as long as they don't have a lot of music in them. Piano soundtracks especially hurt my ear. Brooke and I got bored and ordered "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" from Adelphia the other night. It was pretty ridiculous. But we have a weird Robert Downey Jr. fetish. He actually contributes a song to the film! And while the rest of the world consumes episodes of "Lost," we've been geeking out to Sorkin-era "West Wing." Don't get me started on that guy.

#3. I sometimes go to the gym to vent my frustrations at being tormented by God.

#4. Drink. Before the return of my ear thingie, I had cut back on the booze big time. Now I'm back to using it as a crutch. "Oh, demon alcohol," as Ray Davies once sang.

#5. Contemplate quantum physics. That is, in my incredibly limited capacity. I also need a refresher on the principles of evolution. Any hard-core Darwinists among you?

#6. Contemplate human suffering. It all seems so unnecessary, really.

#7. Juggle the cats. No, really.

#8. Eat salad and fruit. It's so good. And good for you!

#9. Sit around practicing scales. There's nothing to do in the studio other than get my shred on. It doesn't even require ears.

#10. Go for walks. After all, there's a big pretty lake right by my house.

So there you have it. Now I'm off to the doctor for another round of We Can't Figure It Out.


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Hysterical deafness

A term not currently in use for a rare psychological symptom in which hearing is affected although the physiological basis for it is intact. Also known as psychogenic deafness.


I'm pretty effin' excited about Sorkin's new show this fall. Also, Sports Night is FINALLY on DVD.

Saw a special on PBS about how the smallpox epidemic in Europe lead to a higher incidence of a gene mutation that makes them immune to smallpox naturally. The people who had this mutation didn't get smallpox, thus they survived to have kids, yadayada. Pretty much proves that natural selection does lead to a better evolved species. Also, this is interesting.


Yeah, I've been thinking about (contemplating, even) the possibility of a psychic root to my ailment. Could be magickal blowback, for all I know. But that's a different blog. ;)

Anyway, I'll be sure to bury a parcel of toenail clippings under the dead tree in my backyard an midnight.

Natural selection rules! Bring on the avian flu!


Maybe in your hysterical deafness you'll have a radical auditory hallucination which will revolutionize the industry and alter the course of musical history.

Like You-Know-Who after the mustard gas attack!

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