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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Random Precision.

A handful of things I've been too busy to mention:

#1: I was interviewed for the Music Edition of VPR's Switchboard, which aired on Tuesday. Murf from False 45th phoned in to school 'em on the new Yo La Tengo, who they subsequently referred to as "Yellow Tangles" no less than three times. They eventually realized their mistake, but it was pretty funny while it lasted. I do believe you can stream the archive from the VPR link.

#2: Speaking of False 45th, today's '06 celeb retrospective features Ben Maddox of Farm. Yesterday was Tanner & Ben from from Nest Material.

#3: Steve Coogan is really funny. Who among you watches Saxondale?

#4: GWAR is sold out, suckers.

#5 My refined year-end faves ran as a feature on Dusted today. The list is somewhat different than the one I originally posted here, as I took more time to ponder. In addition, the prose is modified to affirm my position as an all-important musical-linguistic analysis operative.

#5: I saw a commercial for Yoplait with two ladies dishing in a spa. This thing could send the feminist movement back by at least a decade. The ad is generally offensive, but when the *actresses* get *deep* it becomes unbearable. Here's an honest-to-goodness example of their exchange:

"Yoplait is like Zen wrapped in karma wrapped in chocolate."

Apparently, this product is akin to the state of stillness that reflects the thusness of all — manifest and unmanifest — combined with the all-penetrating law of binding causality that subtly affects all — manifest and unmanifest — mixed with a sweet foodstuff.

I came up with a bit of copy for their next campaign: "Yoplait is like the ten thousand things wrapped in Kalki's sword of obliteration with a vanilla creme demi-glaze." Feel free to post your own version in the comments field.

I thought I'd be the first to go wide with this one, but evidently other bloggers find it ridiculous, too.


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the le duo

yoplait is like that stick my Mom used to beat me in wrapped in my sweet sweet tears


Yoplait is like the Philosopher's Stone bathed in the unholy fish blood of Dagon, covered with powdered sugar.


Molly takes the early lead!


Yoplait is like a light saber guided by The Force held by Luke Skywalker covered in Storm Trooper blood (and sprinkles).


That likely puts Art and Molly neck and neck. Shit, now I need to come up with a prize!

PS: Art, if you're still reading... I'm nearly done with my cover of "Hold On, Dear Brother." It's pretty sweet... Maybe there's room for a sixth harmony? ;)


Yoplait is like the delicious tears of billions of mother cows bathed in the sweat of millions of poor sugarcane farmers dipped in the saliva of one greedy American CEO wrapped in an eye-catching, fits-in-your-purse, convenient little toxic package, dusted with sweet sweet anorexia.


True 'dat, Nina.


"Yoplait is like Zen wrapped in karma wrapped in chocolate."

I'm so glad you posted about this--I grind my teeth everytime I hear that twit blabber out this line.

And see Casey, aren't you glad I hounded you about your "best of" list--you got a Dusted article out of it! :)


I totally missed the VPR thing...I wanted to call in and continue to assert my overwhelmingly pushy love of Ponies In the Surf's new album.


You know what, I'm not sure that a light saber can be *covered* in anything...seeing as it can cauterize a wound in milliseconds and melt through a huge metal door...I think I should be disqualified...I need to get my facts straight next time!

ps. I would love to sing on Hold On...let me know what I need to do...


Yoplait is like the promise of 72 celestial virgins, basted with egg yolk, and baked to a flakey crisp.


Mmm, flaky crisps...

Art, you can cover the handle, right? You're still in the running.

And yes, thank you Jay.


Well, since everyone else is bathing their yoplait in various bodily fluids, I'll just go ahead and baste my 72 celestial virgins in the pustules of Jesus' Holy Wounds. So there.




You could marinate them in the menses of 72 sacred whores.


Yoplait is like the waters of Helatrobus baptizing the "meat bodies," trapping their thetans to this mortal coil. With sprinkles.


BZ is instantly vaulted to the top spot.


Holy crap. The quality coming out of the gate is beyond intimidating. It's paralyzing.

This thread is going long.


This thread is making me scared...

**curls up in fetal position & sucks thumb**


I would like to contest the Scientology entry as it is mythologically inaccurate.

(the prize should be those extra GWAR tickets you secretly stashed away)


I'm just worried we'll all get taken to task by an ornery anonymous commentator who feels some perverse kinship with TV advertisers.


i fucking hate that yoplait commercial. it drives me nuts. i have to change the channel when it comes on now.

the other thing that drives me nuts is Activa. the yogurt for women that helps their digestion / constipation problems. because it has probiotics in it! wow what an idea. they have to add back the probiotics because theyve turned yogurt into a sugary dessert void of nutrition or health benefit. crazy world man.





yoplait is like corn wrapped in fat dipped in chocolate pudding.


"I would like to contest the Scientology entry as it is mythologically inaccurate.

(the prize should be those extra GWAR tickets you secretly stashed away)"

Yea, but isn't that the point? I mean, you CAN'T wrap Zen (a form of a religion) up in karma (a metaphysical series of cause-and-effects). That's plain kooky talk.

So I most respectfully defend my entry, as the style-standard set by the stupid commercial is mythologically inaccurate. And dumb.

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