Roid Rage

Those of you who know me personally are likely aware that I'm a bit of a sports nut. It's a passion  I rarely indulge in local hipster circles, but if I have to choose between going to Metronome to see a great band or watching a Red Sox - Yankees game at Nectar's, you'll find me downstairs almost every time.

Baseball was my first love. I discovered the pure joy of swatting a small leather ball with a wooden stick long before I paid any attention to girls and years prior to diving into music. From the time I was 6 until I turned 13, all I ever wanted to be was the starting left-fielder for the Sox. Unfortunately, a lack of size and/or any appreciable baseball talent prevented me from living that dream beyond riding the pine in middle school. C'est la vie.

Though my aspirations of becoming a pro ballplayer eventually faded, my adoration of the sport never did. I love baseball at every level, from the sandlot to the majors, so it should come as no surprise that I tuned in for Tuesday's MLB All Star game.

Unless you live in a complete bubble, you're likely aware of the ongoing steroid/HGH controversy currently ravaging professional sports.  At the heart of  the scandal is San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds, who is presently 5 home runs away from breaking Henry Aaron's long-standing career mark of 755 and is widely believed to have used performance enhancing drugs to get there. Follow the link at the end of the previous post to learn more.

This year, the mid-summer classic happened to take place in San Francisco — do you think the announcers said anything about the controversy?

Hardly an inning went by that some idiot Fox broadcaster didn't bring it up and boldly put in their two cents on the issue — or Fox's anyway. Since Fox shares broadcasting rights with ESPN, both networks are sleazily trying to gloss over the scandal to create some air of purity around the embattled player's impending achievement — and of course, boost ratings.

While there was no shortage of inanity streaming from the TV, perhaps the most intellectually vapid and morally bankrupt argument came from Ken Rosenthal, who prefaced his entire argument that Bond's record should stand even if he is found guilty of cheating with the cornerstone phrase of Fox News spin tactics: "Some people say . . ."

Rosenthal claims that "some people" say 70 percent of MLB players are, or were, on steroids during Bonds' run for the HR crown. Just which part of Rupert Murdoch's ass did you pull that number from, Ken?

His point was essentially that because so many players were allegedly on drugs — including pitchers — we need to view Bonds in the historical context of the Steroid Era and therefore, it's OK that he cheated.

Bullshit.  If everyone jumped off a bridge . . .

Rosenthal's logic is ethically flawed and entirely based on an assumption that's impossible to prove. But he may actually have a point — though it's not the one he was trying to make.

Do we view Babe Ruth's 714 with any less reverence even though he never faced a Black, Hispanic or Asian pitcher? Is Henry Aaron's mark less impressive because it took him nearly 800 more games to do it than Ruth? We routinely give our heroes contextual free passes. Perhaps we should do the same with Bonds. Not as an athlete, but as an entertainer.

Major League Baseball — or any professional sport, really — is entertainment. Fans pay hundreds of dollars per game to see overgrown freaks play a child's game at its highest level. Just like we'll pay through the nose to see drugged out musicians or artificially enhanced movies. When I go to a MLB game, I want to see gargantuan brutes hit baseballs 500 feet. When folks would see Phish, they'd want the band to be as high as they were. Performance-enhancing drugs are not solely the realm of sports and to malign athletes for trying to conform to a climate created by the public's appetite is disingenuous at best.

In 1998, Major League Baseball was on life support after barely surviving a fierce labor dispute. That summer, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa's epic home run battle revived a dying game — with the help of performance-enhancing drugs. McGwire has all but admitted as much. A much smaller Sosa returned to the game this year after two seasons of physical breakdowns.

The prolific sluggers' race to break Roger Maris' single-season HR record of 61 wasn't baseball. It was drama and it captivated millions of fans and revitalized the sport. Now, as Barry Bonds nears his own record, the country recoils in horror as it becomes more and more apparent that growing three and a half shoe sizes at the age of 37 just ain't natural.  This is a monster we created, folks. Don't act so surprised.

There is no purity left in the game of Major League Baseball and maybe there never was. If you want to see pure hardball, go to a minor league game, or better yet, find a sandlot. And when Barry Bonds breaks Hank Aaron's record, tip your cap, 'cuz it's been a good show.

Comments

[Ari]

Three and a half shoe sizes!? I'm too lazy to google that to see if it's true or if you're just exaggerating. I bet a lot of the people bitching about steroid use are the same people who buy tickets for hundreds of dollars and then complain about how much professional athletes get paid.

[dan]

I was exaggerating, but only slightly. From George Will's recent Newsweek article:

"Mike Murphy, equipment manager of the San Francisco Giants, testified that since Bonds became a Giant in 1993, the size of his uniform jersey has gone from 42 to 52. His cap size has expanded from 7 1/8 to 7 1/4, even though while it was expanding he shaved his head."

And:
"Murphy testified that Bonds's baseball shoe size has changed from 10½ to 13."

If it was okay for Jerry Garcia to use hallucinogens to create music, why is it so shocking that athletes would juice to play better?

[Ari]

What's next... cyborg athletes in the Olympics?! SWEET!

[tyler]

Hee Hee, at first I thought it read "His CUP size has expanded from 7 1/8 to 7 1/4, even though while it was expanding he shaved his head."
By the way, you're doing great as the new Seven Days Wilco/baseball editor!

[dan]

Just wait 'til you get a load of "Joe Dimaggio's Done It Again" review. Killer.

[the le duo]

why was okay for Jerry Garcia to use hallucinogens to create music?
because creating music isnt a competitive sport.
and acid isnt a performance enhancing drug...
or is it?
jere-bears autopsy showed his right-brain (the creative side) was 3.5 times bigger than his left brain (the analytical side)
hmmmmmmm....???

[dan]

Particularly in the case of bands like The Grateful Dead and Phish, drugs were certainly performance enhancing.

While I don't don't doubt that both were capable of freaky space jams with clear minds, drugs factored into the sounds that made them legendary and brought them beyond the realm of your average heady hippie bands.

Obviously, talent plays a part too. Garcia and Anastasio are guitar icons and deservedly so. But Barry Bonds was a Hall of Famer before he is supposed to have started juicing.

Competition is largely irrelevant in major sports, particularly when compared to the importance of revenue. Baseball should be thanking Bonds for putting asses in seats.

[the le duo]

ask trey how 'performance enhancing' drugs were to phish...

[casey]

Funny you post this now; I just watched a not-too-sensational report on MSNBC about "purity" in baseball, or historical lack therof. Did you know that every post-Babe hitter received death threats when approaching Ruth's record?

I have next to no interest in sports, aside from boxing and female figure skating, but I appreciate the history and romance of baseball. More than actually watching a game, for sure. So much of our culture's triumphs and tracking are mirrored in this silly pasttime.

I'm pro performance-enhancement, btw. On AND off the field. But until they start doing cortex upgrades, caffeine is my personal choice.

[casey]

"tradgedies," not "tracking." Damn iPhone predictive text function!

[Sean]

"Tracking" worked beautifully.

[ben]

Yeah, but how will this affect frat boy sports gambling? that's what I want to know.

[dan]

You know, I've apologized about the death threats. I don't know why people feel the need to keep bringing it up. Swear vengeance upon one or two jocks and you never hear the end of it. Sheesh.

Ken Burns' epic documentary is interesting as it follows the development of game through the time-line of American history. Though it seems silly for us to mark time through events in baseball, it's worthy to note that the game was ahead of the curve in a number of respects, most notably the Civil Rights movement. Jackie Robinson broke baseball's color barrier long before anyone had ever heard of Rosa Parks or Dr. King and it could be argued that Robinson went a long way towards challenging the established perceptions of Black Americans. It would be more than a decade before those effects would be seen, but he was important nonetheless.

As for frat boy gambling, the current line is 3 1/2 Elephant Walks while the over/under is -5 3/4 beer-dipped balls.